Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
