Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
