Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
