When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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