so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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