So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
