The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
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I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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