im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
