It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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