So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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