you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
