he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
