she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
