Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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