dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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