I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
