haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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