honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
