I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
