You work out of a Hotel?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
