I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
