oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
