The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
