Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
