one might say we're banned from that church
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dignity is for republicans.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
