I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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