Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
