3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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