I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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