Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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