why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
