Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
