i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
