i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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