my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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