ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
dude i'm inner monologue high
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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