every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
