i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
