I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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