Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
