He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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