I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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