i think i recognize dicks better than faces
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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