I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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