I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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