He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
