I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
