I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
