Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
