I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
