Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize