Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
