Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just cropdusted the office
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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