i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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