someone threw a dead crab at me
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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