i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
