I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
