I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
