Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
