when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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