you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
