i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
whose parrot is this?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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