Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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