your room smells of hookers.
And success
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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