I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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