Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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