Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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