he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
