she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
