Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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