I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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