? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
