I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
