they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
