y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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