Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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