I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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