remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
