Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
