im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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