I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Randomize
