She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
