Porn is love you can see.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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