Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
