from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
