You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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