he shaved USA in his pubs
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I supernannyed him into submission
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
