i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
